Haunted
by Ellie MadElyn
Summary: Merlin is not sleeping, he is not eating, he is not talking. And Arthur Pendragon cannot take that anymore. He hesitantly interferes and later regrets it. One-shot.


**TITLE:**Haunted

**BY**: Ellie!

**Genre:** Hurt/Comfort, Friendship.

**AUTHOR'S NOTE**: _Hey guys. I just found this one-shot on my laptop. I don't really remember when I wrote it. I know there are about a hundred stories of this kind but I am a sucker for WorriedArthur and I love it when he hugs Merlin. That's why...here it is. Pls. Review._

* * *

**HAUNTED**

He had been seeing her in his dreams a lot lately. Freya. The love of his life. He did not know what triggered all of it, whether it was her spirit trying to tell him something or it was only his imagination intensified due to the constant guilt that resided in his sorrowful heart. He kind of dreaded the latter but the former was as painful. Merlin was tiredly walking through the corridors making his way to The King's quarters. Arthur had requested for his immediate presence. Why and for what he did not know, though he hoped it had nothing to do with Morgana or magic. He was tired now. Too tired to not let the mentioning of the word send a shiver down his spine. He did not want to deal with magical creatures or anything of the kind, he would not be able to kill it, no matter how evil it was, not with the memory of Freya being slaughtered lingering at the back of his head. He stopped his dart halfway and turned around to stare at himself in the mirror, something he had not done in a while in the fear of the guilt that always managed to follow. The sight in front of him was, he had to agree, not very pleasing. He looked miserable. No wonder Gaius, Arthur and practically every other person he knew had been interrogating him every time they saw him. He looked paler than usual, if that was even possible; his eyes were sunk deep into his face and the big black bags that found place for themselves beneath his eyelids added to the already daunting appearance. If he hadn't known any better, he would have thought he was dead. Though, he did feel like it. Not that anybody else needs to know. He hurriedly ran a hand through his hair straightening the strands that messily stuck out at various angles, tidying his tunic to try and look a little more….lively. He pulled up his lips into a fake grin and pushed open the door to the King's quarters. Though he had entered with so much confidence, the look Arthur gave him as he did was an indication that his act was caught red-handed. He shrugged his shoulders, ignoring the King's glare moving in front of him.

"You asked for my immediate presence Sire?" Merlin sternly asked before mentally smacking himself at the back of his head realizing his mistake. Why is it so hard to act normal? The thought yelled in his mind.

"Sire? Merlin, I thought you'd banter till the end of life for having been awakened at such an hour." Arthur spoke as his eyebrow arched upwards. He knew something was wrong with Merlin and today his suspicions were proven right. He had been quiet for the past two weeks….awfully quiet. Something Arthur was not used to and something after having experienced, he did not want to go through again.

Merlin just continued to stare at his feet, nibbling his fingers nervously as he spoke. He was never really a good actor, it was only because of Arthur's blind faith in him that he had managed to hide his secret for so long, the secret that was now slowly and painfully tearing through his chest trying to spill out of his heart. "What do you want me to say?" He tried to sound annoyed but failed miserably as the King's eyes softened.

"Merlin, what's wrong with you?" It was too much for Arthur to bear. Merlin looked like he was going to break down any moment. Though his appearance said something else, Arthur knew that Merlin was a strong man, a man with the ethics of a knight and a heart made of gold. He had seen him mould happiness even from the darkest of times which was undoubtedly the sign of a good human being. And now seeing him on the verge of crumbling down in the midst of guilt? Fear? Arthur had no idea what was troubling his friend to such an extent but today he was going to find out. Too many sleepless nights had passed for Arthur wondering and thinking about the reason but now he could not take it.

"Nothing's wrong with me Arthur, why does everyone keep asking me that?" Merlin snapped unintentionally, his face reddening and his eyes sinking deeper into his face. After having yelled, Merlin suddenly felt weak, he was struggling to breath and a pained frown appeared on his face as he bent down rubbing his forehead with the heel of his hand.

Arthur's brow furrowed and he knew that instant, there was more to Merlin's behavior, not just anger or annoyance, but pain. Lots of pain. He moved a little towards Merlin as he placed a consoling hand on his shivering shoulder. Was Merlin feeling cold? Or was he crying? Arthur could not see his friend's face; truthfully he did not want to. It would be too heart-breaking.

"Merlin, what's wrong?" He whispered keeping his voice low, scared that his usual tone might shatter the already scarred man. Merlin did not look up; he only stared at his feet slightly swaying under Arthur's weight.

Arthur tilted his head so he could get a better look but was blown out of his wits as Merlin pushed him off sending him crashing on the floor with a loud thud. He had never thought Merlin had so much power to have done what he did. Not that he was ever going to mention it to anybody else. It was too embarrassing. He hurriedly discarded his humiliating thoughts, paying more attention to his friend who was shaking violently, his eyes widened in horror, "I am so sorry, Arthur. I did not….I am so sorry." Arthur's heart broke into innumerable pieces as Merlin began to cry; his sobs making it difficult for him to speak, to breathe to even stand upright.

Merlin was still looking at his feet, moving about in his place like a lunatic unable to control his emotions anymore. One second he was angry and the other he was crying his eyes out.

Arthur got up on his feet as quickly as he could moving towards his friend yet again, being more careful than before, he did not want to be man-handled again. The consequences would be a lot more painful. Once he got the right opportunity, he grabbed Merlin by his collar, a little too roughly, and slammed him against the wall behind him. He hated himself for what he did but it was completely worth it as Merlin stopped jerking in his hold. Arthur panted heavily as he loosened his grip on his servant's collar, still keeping his fingers slightly curled around the fabric protectively.

The action sucked the last ounce of energy from Merlin's already weakened frame as he began to lose his balance and had it not been for Arthur's hold, he would have slid down the wall.

Arthur was still gazing at his mentally vulnerable friend when Merlin's eyes slowly looked up trying to find the assurance and encouragement he most needed at the moment.

"I am tired, Arthur." He spoke, his voice almost inaudible. "I can't do this. I can't forget her. I want to…so badly but I can't. Why can't I Arthur?" Merlin pleadingly stared into his master's eyes hoping to find an answer there as his lips trembled from the sudden shiver that ran down his spine.

Arthur had no idea what Merlin was talking about; he barely held his tears in as Merlin broke into tears, sobbing uncontrollably. Arthur stopped his tears from flowing down his cheeks for a while before it became too much for him to bear and he pulled his friend into an embrace. He placed one hand on his back rubbing soothing circles and positioned the other at the back of his broken friend's head fisting his hand into his hair. Arthur was hugging his servant…but that meant nothing to him anymore. Merlin was his friend first and then his manservant.

Merlin did not know how to react to the King's embrace, the King. Arthur is so going to regret this, his mind provided. But he knew he needed it, he needed someone to comfort him and he was more than just glad it was Arthur. They were after all, two sides of the same coin. He resisted the urge to return the hug for sometime but when the memories of Freya and everybody else that had died because of him flooded his memories, it was too difficult a task for him. His hands suddenly circled around Arthur's broad back and he dug his head deeper into his friend's shoulder. He felt Arthur tighten his grip and he relaxed further into his touch.

They stood like this for a while till Merlin's sobs reduced to a great extent and he started to push away from the embrace, realization striking him too hard. Arthur awkwardly moved away and stood beside his friend against the wall. He slid down and sat on the ground positioning his elbows on his knees,

"Merlin…sit down." He commanded knowing any other method would not work.

Merlin complied as he sat down beside his King, trying to avoid his gaze in whichever way he could. "Merlin, who is…." Arthur paused, "Who was she?" he hesitantly asked.

Merlin did not reply for a while, was it worth the time? But he needed to get it out of his system or very soon he would lose it. He took a long tiring breath as he spoke, "Freya. Her name was Freya. I loved her."

Arthur nodded his head as he listened keenly to his wrecked friend.

"I…I did everything I could to save her. But….she was ill, Arthur. No matter what I did, I could not help…" Merlin choked on his words finding it really hard to continue any further. Arthur kept silent giving his friend the time. He did not want Merlin to think that he was forced into revealing one of his many secrets. Yes, Arthur knew Merlin had more than just one secret but he wanted his manservant to open up to him…and he was ready to wait for as long as his friend needed him to.

Merlin felt a lump in his throat as he hardly swallowed continuing to nibble with his fingers. "She died in my arms…Will died in my arms and Balinor….I am bad luck, Arthur. Somebody always dies when they are around me. I don't know how to make it stop." Merlin couldn't do it anymore. He gulped in a large amount of air as he sobbed uncontrollably, his shoulders shivering yet again.

Arthur stared at Merlin as he regretted his decision. I should not have asked. Look at him, you clotpole. Even mentioning her name has this effect on him and you….you had to open your big mouth. His mind scolded him as his face twitched in a mixture of anger, guilt and pain.

He hurriedly snapped back to reality as Merlin's sobs intensified, "Merlin…Merlin." Without even realizing, he shifted from his spot and crouched in front of his friend placing a strong but a consoling hand on Merlin's shoulder, "That's not true Merlin. I know you've saved my life…what? Maybe a thousand times by now? You're always with me, following my arse, how is that I am still alive? There are people who care about you idiot. The very Queen of Camelot cares about you more than she does for me which is strange. All the knights, your mother Merlin. And Gaius, you're like a son to him. What are they going to do if something happens to you? And me…I….It's really hard for me Merlin…finding a new servant and all that. I am King now, I don't have the time to look for servants. " He tried his best placing his other hand on Merlin's shoulder and making him look in his eyes.

Arthur's words made their way to his ears and he slowly looked up. Merlin felt relief wash over him, maybe even a slightest bit of amusement. Arthur really meant everything he said. He intently gazed at his King's eyes, finding a reason to not hate himself so much. Unknowingly, he smiled and his shoulders relaxed as Arthur moved his hands away. He wiped the tears off with his sleeve and took deep breaths as Arthur sat in front of him, one knee in contact with the ground.

Arthur knew Merlin was recovering and quick. He knew he had opened up to Merlin about how much her cared about his manservant today, but he was glad it was in his own cocky way. Though he was the one who pulled his friend into a hug and not the other way around. Great. Arthur blocked his thoughts as he unknowingly ruffled Merlin's hair.

"You look like a mess, Merlin." He smirked in his characteristic way standing up on his feet and extending his hand forward.

"Likewise, Sire!" Arthur smiled out of relief. At least, Merlin was getting his sense of humor back. Merlin grabbed hold of Arthur's hand and stood on his feet, slightly tired by the excursion to his inner self.

Once up, Arthur ruffled Merlin's hair yet again as the manservant tried to dodge his hand.

"Alright…I am going to sleep." Merlin pulled away and began to run towards the door hurriedly. Arthur did not miss that as he angrily, almost angrily, called out to him.

"Merlin!"

Merlin closed his eyes and hesitantly let go of the door's handle, turning around to face his King.

"You do know I am the King, right?"

Merlin nodded sheepishly. "So…it means I, Arthur Pendragon, give the orders here."

"Right…." Merlin's face crossed. "What do you want me to do?" He asked looking around himself, a frown appearing on his face. There were no clothes in the laundry, the floor was shiningly clean. He remembered polishing Arthur's armor and sharpening Arthur's sword so it was not either of them. Which meant it could be about…. Every other thing in the world.

Arthur smiled to himself. "Get out Merlin." He shouted at the top of his voice, picking the nearby jug and throwing it at Merlin noticing him flinch in his place.

Merlin snapped out of his thoughts as his frown deepened. Why in the world was Arthur yelling and throwing stuff at him? Then realization struck him. "Sure sire." He bowed to Arthur before turning around to leave.

He walked out the room as Arthur shouted from behind him, "That's more like it."

* * *

_Oh ...I miss this show so much. (Sigh) Nothing we can do about it anymore. Anyways...did you like it? I know you've read many of the same kind...but because I wrote this a long time ago, I'm kind of proud. My views aside, do not forget to review. Even if not about the story, let me know about the changes or improvements I should make in my writing style. O.k...Until next time, Bebye!_

_-Ellie_


End file.
